“There’s a stigma around fostering that’s not true” - Ashley’s story
Ashley, 28, lives in Bromborough. She has a job that she enjoys. She lives with her partner, her two cats (Elsie and Hugo) and she’s pregnant – with a bundle of joy due in March 2025. Ashley is also a care leaver.
We spoke to Ashley about her experience in foster care to learn a bit more about the impact fostering can have on a person’s life.
Ashley said:
I first went into foster care at age two, with my brother who is three years older than me. Our mum had cancer and she passed away. Our dad didn’t feel able to care for two kids on his own.
We moved around a lot – before moving in with what would become our long-term foster carer Lesley. I didn’t know it at the time, but Lesley’s was our 12th fostering address – it had all been a bit of a blur to me as I was so young.
Lesley, an experienced foster carer, was only meant to look after Ashley and her brother on a short-term basis.
Speaking of what it was like first moving in with Lesley, Ashley said:
It was hard at first, we were so used to moving so I think we were expecting to just move again. Lesley used to say when I first came to her, I had a bobble head, because I was always looking around waiting for someone to come and tap me on the shoulder and move us on
After a while, Lesley made the decision to take Ashley and her brother in on a long term basis.
Ashley said:
At first, we didn’t want to get invested, but we ended up staying for almost 10 years. Now I call Lesley my non-biological biological mother.
Ashley is now an adult, having moved out of Lesley’s house for good around age 21. She says living on her own was tricky at first, but through her foster family she has a strong support network.
Ashley said:
I initially tried to move out with the leaving care team when I was 17 or 18 but I moved back in with Lesley after a few months – I just wasn’t ready. A few years later I had gotten a job and found my feet, so I flew the nest so to speak.
Often, kids in fostering don’t have much of a support network around them like other kids with big families might do. I struck gold with Lesley, she treats me as one of her own to this day – and I think that’s exactly what fostering should be. You’re not just a place to stay for a child, you’re a family.
After moving around a few different retail and food service jobs, Ashley has settled in a steady job in the marine industry. She’s also just bought her first home along with her partner.
Ashley said:
We’re still unpacking, so the house is up the wall but we’ll get it sorted – we have to with the baby on the way!
I really enjoy my job, it can be hard but it’s the best job I’ve had so far.
Ashley and her foster family are still in close contact. Ashley said:
We speak regularly on the phone, I even babysit for Lesley sometimes as she still fosters and I spend most Christmases with her and her family. She’s so excited to meet the little one – she calls them her 7th grandchild.
Speaking of how her life has turned out, Ashley sounds content and happy. But she says there’s a stigma around foster care that she feels is unfair and untrue.
Ashley said:
We always got asked, ‘is it like Tracey Beaker?’ but in my experience it’s not like that at all, nine times out of ten you end up in a family home and people do their best.
I think a lot of people get a bad name being in care, there’s a big stigma attached that they’ll all end up down a bad path. But it’s not true. I wouldn’t see being in case as a disadvantage, as it’s one of the best things that happened to me.
My dad chose to keep us in care as he couldn’t afford to look after us. And to be honest, I appreciated that – as he was struggling at the time, so my life could be totally different now. And I love my life now just as it is.
A lot of children don’t realise at the time, but these choices aren’t made because they’re not wanted, but because the right support needs to be in place – for them to thrive.
What would she tell her former self? Ashley said:
I’d tell her not to give up. You’ll get there, and make sure to tap into any support network that you can.
And to any potential future foster carers, Ashley says:
I’d say you need to put in the work, it’s definitely not just a job. You’re creating a home for a young person who needs support. It might not always be easy but it can be so worthwhile.
There are lots of different types of fostering available including short-term, long-term and emergency respite.
If you have been considering fostering in Wirral and want to find out more, visit the Foster4 website.
